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There are many nights, even just a few years ago, that I would stare up at the dark ceiling and wondered where my journey was headed. Do we all do that, or is it just me? I’m asking because I really don’t know of any norms. Norms have never been a part of my life, until recent years that is.

There were days that felt like they could have been the last, and although I know I’ve been through a lot, I believe depression is a separate entity, and being, to all else I’ve experienced. I recall being a young child and worrying much more than what was normal, feeling immense guilt over the smallest of instances. I shrank a little each day, and so glad I’ve made up for that in my later years.

There’s not a sad feeling within me at this moment, and that scares me. I’m so comfortable inside of happiness that I’m afraid something will take it away. Or should I also say, I’m afraid I won’t let myself be content and worry-free.

My depression has been controlled for years, but the fear of its return, and the sense that it hovers over me is ever present. It’s not quite a memory yet, but it is a distant relative. We are still related, and that’s enough to know it will forever be in my life.

But, with Memory Chose a Woman’s Body being released June 6th, I’ve not been able to think of much else!

What will holding my book in my hands mean to me?

Validation.
Acceptance.
Confirmation.
Self-love.
Change.

Closure.

And, with that, comes book #2……

© 2014 Angela M. Carter

photo credit: Omar Eduardo via photopin cc

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