Like most, I have two very different sides of myself. I am one of the most outgoing people you will meet, get to know a lot of people, love to make people laugh. The other side, well, that side doesn’t get seen by much more than a select few. This second side, doesn’t see a lot of friends and doesn’t get to talk a lot except through my writing. In fact, what I believe is more of me, is what I have to hide the most. I paint, fix things, restore things, and create things so that I can talk to that side.
It’s been pointed out to me that I want to change the world, but don’t leave enough energy for myself. I give much more than I receive. I took this on board and am seeing that it is true. By doing this, it is changing my life immensely. I’m seeing less people in my life, but I now have more time for those that care about me. Although I am secure in myself, I am hard enough on myself that I don’t need anyone else to seek weaknesses in me. Deep down I’m a sensitive woman wrapped in extremely thick skin, and because many don’t realize that I get hurt often.
Who I am now is a result of a very long you had to have been there moment. I have to go back there so that I may continue to grow, but I understand that some might see that as walking backwards. I’m not going backwards at all—sometimes you have to take a glimpse behind in order to remember how I moved forward.
It’s okay if you can’t travel back with me. I’ve always been good at traveling with nothing more than a good soundtrack and a notebook, and made it here by doing just that. But, when I board that backwards-flying plane to the past, I’d sure love someone to be there next to me, pointing to the view out of the window, and reminding me why I was made, why I’m here, and also reminding me that sometimes there are no reasons that some things have happened. Unfortunately, too many are looking for their next vacation, and won’t help carry the baggage that got me to my current paradise.